


the size of your fist

by broke



Category: Keyakizaka46 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 08:26:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20255134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broke/pseuds/broke
Summary: Suzumoto Miyu reporting live from the aftermath of her breakup with her college girlfriend.





	the size of your fist

“How did you break up?” Nagasawa asks Miyu as they walk out of the lecture hall and head towards the cafeteria. She pulls out a copy of this month’s Betsucomi preemptively, since she likes to read while she eats lunch.

“She told you?” Miyu asks, and immediately feels stupid because of course Oda told her. Nagasawa sends Oda LINE messages from the toilet sometimes. She also probably sees more of Oda than Miyu ever did, even when they were dating.

“Yes, but she didn’t tell me how. I think I’d like to know. For research purposes.” 

Nagasawa has been working on something to submit for the manga competition for university students for months now and keeps hounding anyone she knows that is in or has ever been in a relationship for possible inspiration. Miyu absolutely does not want to rehash all the details of the break up, but she does want to help Nagasawa. She also wants reassurance that all her pain isn’t invented. That she isn’t suffering because she has nothing better to do. That this break up doesn’t fully make sense.

So she tells Nagasawa everything. The way they were on and off, radio silence sandwiched between living out of each other’s pockets for weeks on end. The way Miyu felt when Kobayashi, the part timer they worked who goes to an arts university nearby, was all Oda wanted to talk about. The way everything always felt so fragile, even when things were good. The more Miyu says, the more hollowed out she feels. It’s a cavernous sadness, opening wide inside her and threatening to swallow her whole. 

“We went to a café, and she had all my stuff that was at her apartment in a paper bag. She also gave me back a shirt I bought for her. I guess she didn’t know it was a gift. She never even wore it.”

Nagasawa shakes her head sagely. “Dani’s really dense sometimes. She doesn’t know how badly she can hurt people as much as she can make their day.”

That’s the thing, Miyu thinks. Oda Nana is a good friend, can make you feel like the only person on Earth without realizing it, but she’s a profoundly horrible girlfriend for the same reason. Without her, Miyu feels stranded.

When Miyu first met Oda Nana, her hair was long and the virgin black of a newly minted university student. Miyu was stocking the ice cream section, lining up rows upon rows of brightly coloured Garigari-kuns, when Oda walked in a sweater dress that reminded Miyu of her grandmother. Moriya slipped out from behind the front counter and introduced Oda as a junior in the tennis club who would be joining them as a part timer at the convenience store. 

Right now, Oda's hair is in an awkward growing out stage, not quite shoulder length, not quite anything. Miyu sneaks a glance at her dozing figure sitting across from her in the nearly empty subway car. If they hadn’t broken up last week, maybe Miyu would be sitting next to her. Maybe Miyu would be the one falling asleep, leaning against Oda’s shoulder. The stop Oda gets off at is the one after Miyu’s, so she would always wake Miyu up when it was time for her to get up and Miyu would blearily stumble off the train and drag herself back to her tiny apartment, but sometimes she would just burrow closer and spend the night at Oda’s instead. 

Miyu remembers one of those nights, when she was the slightest bit drunk from the shochu Moriya had pawned off to them because it wasn’t selling. She called Oda by her given name (not Oda Nana, not Dani, just Nana) for the first time, something she doesn’t have the right vocal chords to say anymore. It sounded so strange that Miyu rolled around on the fuzzy rug on Oda's bedroom floor laughing uncontrollably for what felt like hours. She had been so happy she couldn't do anything but stare at the ceiling and giggle until Oda got fed up and gave her something else to do with her mouth.

The sound of Miyu’s stop being announced forcibly pushes her back into reality. For a second, she considers letting Oda continue and inevitably miss her stop, but Miyu has never been good at being petty. She stands up and nudges Oda’s foot with her own as the train pulls into the station, watching with some enjoyment as Oda wakes with a start.

“Thanks, Miyu,” she says, smiling sheepishly in that way Miyu loves, still loves.

Miyu shrugs, and walks off the train. If Oda waves from the window as the train pulls out of the station, Miyu doesn’t know.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for GG Jukebox Round 1, inspired by Your Heart Is A Muscle by Carly Rae Jepsen
> 
> even though carly rae's your heart is a muscle served as thematic inspiration for this fic, i listened to [night shift by lucy dacus](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WDZdT04ls4) just as much while writing and i think that does figure pretty clearly. i also recently read [laura dean keeps breaking up with me by mariko tamaki and rosemary valero-o’connell](https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626722590), which didn’t serve as direct inspiration but i kept thinking about what it had to say about relationships. i changed my mind about what i wanted to write a million times before landing here, and i think that story helped guide me to produce this work.
> 
> thank you to the ggjukebox mods for hosting this fest, and thank you for reading!


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